


Unclench your fists, calm your trembling

by acousticstorm



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Blow Jobs, Comfort Sex, Gratuitous use of italics, M/M, bear with me, sort of, sort of kandreil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 22:30:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10448958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acousticstorm/pseuds/acousticstorm
Summary: It's the meeting of the unexpected: Kevin still does not take well to pressure and has to face who he is under that, and in turn, Andrew himself is surprised when he faces more than he expected.Neil? He can just watch and trust it's for the best.





	

The day of his first pro game, Kevin gets a message. It’s not more than five words, _I will be watching you_ , but Kevin knows who it is from and _panics_.

Neil and Andrew don’t get the message until they are off the plane to Los Angeles, where Kevin signed with the LA Queens (Kevin insists it was just a coincidence and Neil believes him because they are the best pro team in the nation, but it is occasionally funny.) When he opens his phone on the way to Kevin’s apartment and sees six missed calls from Kevin and the words _He’ll be there_ , Neil almost tugs the taxi driver out of his seat and drives there himself because the dude _is not fast enough_.

They don’t even bother to take the elevator and sprint up the four flights of stairs to Kevin’s floor, banging on the door as soon as his hand is close enough and bracing himself for the sight. The Kevin that opens the door is barely holding himself back from trembling, Neil can see that in the tightly clenched fists at his side, and even though Neil knows Riko is dead, Kevin’s expression looks barely more put together than before their first game with the Ravens in Neil’s first year. However, Neil knows that if he says something it would just set Kevin off much worse, so he schools his expression into composure.

“Hey,” he says, voice too sure for the concern bubbling inside him, and enters the apartment with Andrew behind him. Kevin doesn’t say anything and picks up a half-empty mug from the table in the living room, and Neil can bet there’s a good amount of alcohol in that.

Neil has only seen the apartment once, when Andrew and he helped Kevin move in a few months ago, and nothing much has changed except the bookshelf which seems to have been almost filled in. He plops down on the couch and puts his bag down next to him, and looks at Kevin. He’s standing in the middle of the room, mug in his hands, and doesn’t even glance at Neil. He follows his look to Andrew, who dropped his own bag in favor of crossing his hands and looking at Kevin himself. Neil watches them stare each other down, no change in expression and no words exchanged, but he knows that they don’t need that, so he makes himself comfortable on the couch and waits.

Barely a few seconds later, he watches Andrew take a few bored steps towards Kevin, plucking the mug from his hands and placing it on an empty part of the bookshelf, not caring to spare it a look. His eyes are fixed on Kevin, head stranded up to look him in the eyes, and Kevin continues to reciprocate the look. Neil braces himself to run towards for them when Andrew starts to lift his right hand, but he only places it in front of Kevin’s chest and Neil knows what’s coming, but something inside him still jumps.

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks in a flat tone and Kevin barely takes one second to nod, but Andrew doesn’t move. Kevin guesses it a second later, probably from all the times he has seen Andrew and him, and pushes out a hoarse _ye_ _s._  Andrew must find in it the certainty that he needs, because he puts a hand on Kevin’s chest and pushes him until the latter is backed up against the wall, trapped by Andrew’s body.

Andrew and he talked about this before, Neil recalls, about the intricacies of Andrew’s relationship with Kevin, of how it always bordered on something (Neil could have recognized that), but nothing happened, partly because Kevin had Thea, and partly because Andrew’s drugs and Kevin’s desperation and ownership issues, in addition to all the other stuff they had, did not make for the best combination. But then Andrew came off his drugs and at some point later, one of the drunk upperclassmen made an off-handed joke about Kevin relying on Thea and Kevin stormed out in anger. Neil drew his assumptions from that and from the uninterpretable looks Kevin threw Andrew and him sometimes, but he didn’t think that meant anything. He had shared his frustration with Andrew once, that he couldn’t understand why sometimes Kevin went harder on him at practice and seemed to shut down more often whenever Andrew and Neil were doing something almost meaningless together, but he put it down to Kevin’s jealousy of him having more of Andrew’s attention or not having Thea anymore.

“Neil.” His reverie is stopped by Andrew’s demanding tone, and he looks up to see both of them watching him, their position unchanged. Neil knows Andrew enough to see there’s a question in his eyes, and he realizes Andrew has always seen more than he did. He’s also asking him for permission, he knows, and there’s a fleeting tang of hurt in his chest because they did not explicitly talk about this, but if Andrew thinks Kevin needs this, Neil can’t stop that.

“Yeah,” he softly says after a minute, and Andrew can feel the barely there emotions in his voice judging by his prolonged look, but decides he’s going forward with whatever he has planned. Neil doesn’t know what he had just agreed to, has no idea if it’s just holding Kevin against the wall until he calms down, wouldn’t be surprised if Andrew wrapped a hand around Kevin’s throat or something. Andrew whispers something to Kevin that Neil can’t quite catch, but he catches the look of shock in Kevin’s eyes and the way his hands unravel from their fists to press against the wall on his sides, almost bracing himself for whatever’s coming. Neil understands that look when Andrew _drops to his knees_.

His almost gasp goes unnoticed by Kevin, his shocked expression staring down at Andrew, and Andrew first freezes with his hands on the way to Kevin’s waistband to ask him “Are you sure?” Neil wouldn’t be surprised if Kevin stumbled over his words in the way to say yes, but much to his surprise, Kevin’s voice was surer than he gave him credit for when he whispered the approval down to Andrew.

But Andrew did hear him, and he turns to him. Neil reads that and he knows that if he says no, Andrew will be five feet away from Kevin in the next second like nothing happened. But again, Neil can’t stop that. _He doesn’t want to stop that_ , the thought flashes through his mind and he shudders with it.

“Do it.”

Andrew turns around then, dragging Kevin’s sweatpants down agonizingly slow, and in the back of his mind, Neil wonders if that’s also to prepare himself. The outline of Kevin’s hard-on is visible through his briefs, and Neil wonders for a second if he’s dreaming. Just for a second, however, because Andrew doesn’t waste one more in dragging Kevin’s briefs down as well, looking bored with the situation.

On the couch, Neil’s breath hitches because Kevin is _big_ , his cock bouncing hard against his stomach when Andrew frees him, and nobody can blame Neil if he drools a bit. Andrew seems unfazed, however, wrapping a hand around Kevin and giving him a lick from base to tip. Neil _knows_ how that feels, and only then he glances up at Kevin’s face. His head is laid against the wall, eyes scrunched closed, not much unlike the fists that he is pushing on the wall. His hands twitch, probably when Andrew’s mouth takes him in, and Neil knows he is itching to touch but he holds himself back and Neil lets a small _fuck_ pass his lips. They must have talked about Andrew's touch issues then because generally, Kevin doesn’t have such reservations, and Neil doesn’t know what to think.

His mind can’t stay away for too long though, not when something like this is happening in front of his eyes. Neil sees how Andrew's cheeks hollow, sees his tongue move in that dizzying flip he does, and it’s almost like he can _feel it himself_. A small groan escapes his throat but he can barely hear it over Kevin’s hard breath and that downright _filthy_ sound Andrew’s mouth is making when taking Kevin back in, and it’s almost too much. His cock is hard in his pants, strained against the denim, but he doesn’t care, would not make one move to shift his focus away from the scene in front of him.

Kevin is barely holding himself back from touching and Andrew must see that, as the hand that is not busy stroking Kevin’s base sneaks to grab his right hand and put it on his head. Kevin looks almost fearful at that, and Neil knows he must think this is a test of trust, and he commends him when he looks down at Andrew and asks “Are you sure?” in a shaky voice. Neil almost expects Andrew to snap, but he pulls away and his voice is as flat as always when he says yes and promptly puts his mouth back on Kevin. That’s all Kevin needs before his hand sneaks in Andrew’s blonde hair, holding on for dear life, moans uncontrollably slipping out of his mouth.

Neil thinks he’s seen it all, but then Andrew pulls back and changes the shape of his mouth before he dives back in, slow enough for Neil to realize what he’s doing. Kevin realizes it himself, and snaps his eyes back down at Andrew, which in turn looks up. Neil knows how Andrew looks like that, cold glance from under his lashes, and his cock twitches in his pants. He expects Kevin to snap his head back and tighten his hand in Andrew’s hair to control himself because he knows how hard it is under that glare, but instead he keeps eye contact, his hand gently threading through the blonde locks under his fingers, encouraging and reassuring. His palm comes to rest on Andrew’s jawline, fingers brushing over the swell in his cheeks as Andrew goes _down, down, down_ , takes him in as much as he can.

Andrew is ambitious but his own body betrays him and when a tear slips down his cheek, Kevin brushes it with a gentle flick of his thumb, steady and _soft_.

 _“Andrew,”_ a soft sigh slips past Kevin’s lips and Neil flinches, but Kevin seems unfazed, his thumb smoothing over where Andrew’s lips are stretched around his cock and over his throat. Neil waits with baited breath for Andrew to pull away, but Andrew _moans_ , a low, hoarse sound that makes Kevin _shudder_.

“Fuck,” he says on a heavy exhale, and Neil is convinced he’s _dead_ , the intensity of their unbroken stare freezing him. In Kevin’s position, he would’ve given up a long time ago and turned his eyes away in an effort not to collapse, but Kevin has finally stopped trembling, has stopped _blinking_ and holds Andrew so carefully with a hand on his cheek that it looks like he’s made of glass, precious and fragile. Neil knows right there and then that this is not a one-time thing because nobody, not even himself, can look at Andrew like that.

Andrew pulls back slowly and takes Kevin down his throat again just as slow, but Neil can see he’s pressing his tongue against the underside of his cock, and Kevin has taken to whispering words of encouragement, barely there sounds of _right there_ and _you feel so good_ while his gaze _does not move away,_ stays unnervingly fixed on Andrew working him over so damn well. Neil doesn't understand how can he be so composed, when Neil himself doesn’t know who the two people in front of him are, doesn’t know who he is, his brain turned to slush and every whisper jolting his skin like a current.

He barely hears when Kevin whispers _I’m gonna come, yeah?_ and Andrew hums around his cock in approval. Neil notices from the corner of his eyes Kevin’s mouth falling open, broken gasps and moans and what he thinks are fragments of Andrew’s name coming out, and Andrew takes it all, swallows around him like it's nothing, but Neil can see his Adam's apple bobbing and can hear his gasps of air. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and tucks Kevin back in his pants, but the spell is not broken, Kevin still stares with the same intensity, turning Andrew’s chin up by the hand on his face.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, and his voice is firm, sure, and so is Andrew’s yes on the way up. Kevin doesn’t waste a moment pulling Andrew to his feet and leaning down to capture his lips in a hot, rough kiss. He knows Kevin is chasing the taste of himself on Andrew’s tongue and moans when he finds it, tugging Andrew up on his tiptoes. But it’s still not close enough for him, and Neil _flinches_ when his hand splays on Andrew’s back. Kevin grimaces when Andrew bites his lip hard and he instantly takes his hand away, hovering a few inches behind. But Andrew leans back, pushing his back against Kevin’s hand himself, and Kevin doesn’t need to be told twice to pull Andrew up and into him as much as he can.

Neil has absolutely no idea what’s happening. He’s frozen on the couch, unable to move, watching Kevin and Andrew _devour_ each other in a show of trust Andrew never gives, never to anyone else but Neil, never like _this_. Neil is beyond turned on, almost bursting with what just happened, but he doesn’t know if to trust how Kevin’s big hand takes up so much space on Andrew’s back, doesn’t know how to interpret Kevin’s shift from wrecked to more stable and caring than Neil had ever seen him, doesn’t know what to do with how readily Andrew gave himself away, if it’s him loosening up or just reverting to the old ways where he doesn’t care about what happens to himself. Neil hopes it’s the former but his traitorous mind tells him it’s probably the latter.

And yet, when Kevin and Andrew break apart and Kevin immediately spins on his heels to go into the bedroom, slamming the door after himself and Andrew plops down on the couch next to Neil, wiping his mouth again, there’s a ghost of a smirk on his face and a spark in his eyes that he’s not fast enough to hide. He’s in his own world for a few moments, thinking, evaluating, not looking at Neil, and Neil knows that this has gotten to him, must have, and also knows he didn’t expect it to end like that, just like Neil did.

They don’t talk even though Neil has a thousand and one questions messily burning on his tongue. Kevin doesn’t come out until right before they have to leave. He doesn’t spare one glance or one word at any of them besides looking in Neil’s general direction when he throws him the keys to his car.

Neil can see Kevin from his VIP spot when he walks on the stadium for first serve. His left hand is firm and sure on the racquet, and he pushes forward so hard the opposing team knows from the first minute they don’t have any chance. The game turns violent very quick with the desperation of the opposing team to hold Kevin and his smirking team back, but Kevin barely spars more than a few uncaringly superior glances towards his mark.

Neil has a boner throughout pretty much the entire game, and when it ends 12-3, Queens’ favor, Neil knows Kevin won the game not against the other team, but against himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew. This was tough. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I am sorry if you feel like everyone was a bit OOC, which they indeed were and I apologize for that. I got a bit carried away because I just really wanted that scene to happen. 
> 
> However, I do want to justify some of the things that are happening and provide some more background/context partly because I put too much of my soul in this to be over and also because I don’t like leaving things unfinished. And because this is from Neil’s perspective, there are some things that are missing. 
> 
> 1\. I do believe that Kevin and Andrew talked about the possibility of a three-way relationship or ‘thing’ before pretty early on, in a conversation that was a bit heavy (Kevin won’t admit that he jerked off to it after, and Andrew won’t admit he kept thinking about it for a while.) And because it was so heavy, they didn’t approach the subject again. But Andrew knew where everything was coming from, all the looks and Kevin’s weird attitude towards Neil. 
> 
> 2\. However, I also believe that he did not want to bring it up with Neil partly because he knew Neil wouldn’t be able to see it as a three-way thing, but more like something with Andrew in the middle. And because I think Kevin and Neil are idiots who can’t really talk and only solve their issues on the court, Andrew didn’t want to push anything. (He later spectacularly failed, as you can see.) 
> 
> 3\. The reason why I think Andrew was so willing to do this was because I think he knew there was no other way to comfort Kevin, and he knew Kevin needed to be secure in his game as to not put himself and Neil and all of them at risk. I think he knew that what he used to do before, reassure Kevin he'd protect him wouldn't work because Riko was something, but Ichirou is another kind of monster. Even though Andrew knows he would take a knife to Ichirou any day any time he would dare do something to Neil or Kevin, he also knows his protection isn’t that powerful. I give this realization to his relationship to Neil and the fact that he starts to care about him so much, he considers the fact that he can’t protect him just to find ways for Neil, and later Kevin, to actually be safe. 
> 
> 4\. However, I also do believe that something at the end gets messed up, because Andrew didn’t expect it to quite turn out that way. He knew Kevin must have been different when he really got into something, but he expected more anger, pushing and pulling, that sort of stuff. Instead, Kevin turned soft and caring, and Andrew was taken aback enough to give him a bit of trust (the touching show at the end), and I do think that after he is pretty shocked at himself and Kevin and how intensely they came together (cue Andrew self-reflection, I love that shit.) I sort of do see Neil and Andrew as something secure, reliable, that makes them grow, and then throwing Kevin into the mix throws some serious fire both ways. 
> 
> 5\. Kevin is surprised at himself as well, and I also do not think he won the game against himself, just that Neil thinks he did (he may be right in a way though.) I think the fact that he was so conflicted from what happened and his reactions, he poured that in the only place he knew: the court. Classic defense mechanism, and yet in the battle of himself against Exy, he won. He found out just what makes him calm and yet fired up on the court, and that in the end, it’s not Exy, but other people. Hard for me to portray such a rational player as Kevin like that, especially since I tend to be very rational and "professionally driven" myself, but a little self-indulgence never hurt anybody, and I feel that it’s legit he is like that since he didn’t have time to unpack what just happened and he maybe lost control a lil’ bit.
> 
> Welp, that was a long author’s note. I might write a sequel for this at one point where they actually get to communicate, if anyone’s interested. Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
